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We Said I Do. We're Still Doing.

We said “I do” on November 7, 2009. We are still doing.

Happy Anniversary, Jonathan! I Love You!

Below is my essay that Next Tribe published about us:


24 Things That Make My Second Marriage Work

I got married for the second time in 2009 when I was 62. My husband, Jonathan, was only 61. Two years before we married—just a few weeks after we met—I invited him to my daughter’s destination wedding. I thought sharing it with him would be fun and give him a hint about our future. Jonathan thought I wanted him to pay my plane fare. All were true. A bit later, I invited him to our wedding. Lucky me, he said “yes” when I proposed.

Reasons We’ve Been Able to Stay Together

1. Two bathrooms.

2. Him.

3. Jonathan majored in kindness.

4. Our senses of humor are alike.

5. He laughs at what I say.

6. Particularly about a crashing bore relative who talks on and on about uninteresting topics that do not connect to us or to anyone on this planet.

7. Our temperaments are different. Thank goodness.

8. Jonathan knows how to tune into Netflix and other special channels. I have no clue what to do after I turn on the television.

9. Jonathan, the Felix in our house, does not trip over my clothes that are piled on the floor by my side of the bed.

10. And his.

11. Our cooking/cleaning-up-after-dinner arrangement is excellent.

12. If I cook, Jonathan does the dishes. If he cooks, he does the dishes.

13. We are compatible in the following ways:

a. Gastronomically: Although my appetite is bigger and so are my thighs, we both like veggies, fish, and a neighborhood Japanese restaurant that has terrific eel.

b. Romantically: Chemistry is chemistry. I think Jonathan is sexy. He thinks I am, too. That is all I am sharing about our romantic life except to add that it is almost as good as the eel.

c. Intellectually: We are curious, interested in many areas, discuss our opinions, and read a lot, sometimes the same books. Jonathan reads more.

d. Aerobically: We work out at the same gym. Jonathan uses more machines. I use more towels. I do not go when he does or exercise near him. I don’t want him to hear me count by threes when I do sit-ups and planks.

14 We dance. Together. Often to music.

15. We have one physical therapist who treats me for my sciatica and Jonathan for his pinched neck nerve. We enjoy simultaneous sessions. On adjacent tables. We discuss what we will have for dinner. Or, actually, I do.

16.. We both love our work, love to work, and have no thoughts of retiring.

17. I have lowered my expectations about what a person can give. A partner cannot give everything.

18. I am grateful for the years I spent on my own between marriages. I became conscious of my needs and priorities.

19. Intimacy vs. space: I treasure my time with Jonathan, treasure my time alone, and continue to work at finding a balance.

20. We discuss issues when they arise. I do so directly. Jonathan does so calmly.

21. We try not to sweat the small stuff. Jonathan sweats it less.

22. We are longtime proponents of psychotherapy.

23. Our time is not yet up.

24. We put enormous time and energy into our life together. Even with two bathrooms, marriage is ongoing work.



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